Just Me and the Mistress

As a few of you already know, we sent Nathan off the other night. The kids and I are hanging in there, but my nights are lonely and I am left with only the company of his Mistress(es) in the evening. That's right, I am airing the dirty laundry. I am well aware of his evening and early morning affairs with the other women. Sometimes he blatantly cheats in front of me. Nathan is a great family man, but when he is not in the company of me or the kids (or at work), he is generally with one of his two Mistresses. For now I will refer to them as the "Family Gal" and the "Office Slute" (pronounced like flute). I guess you would say we have an open marriage. I would rather be kept in the loop and have a relationship built on mutual trust, than one on lies and deceit. I actually like one of his leading ladies. She is a family friend, generally dependable and someone I don't mind spending time with. The kids like her too; as she can be a lot of fun. Sometimes Family Gal even watches the kids for me while I get in the shower. But my patience with the other---the Office Slute, are wearing thin. At best I would say our relationship is complicated. Our encounters are pretty cold and generally uncomfortable. Maybe I would be more accepting if she brought more to the table. Let's be honest people, she is a bit heavy, can be extremely loud, and if I have to accept her as part of my life and my marriage, I would appreciate it if she were a bit more dependable! Let's not even mention the baggage she brings along with her!

I am honestly surprised Nathan has put up with her crap for this long and not ditched her for something new and improved. Part of me feels he has an emotional connection to her that allows him to overlook her flaws. The other part of me thinks he is trying to put a band aid on something that requires a tourniquet.  I am tired of him spending our money on trying to "fix" her. That's right, he pays for her plastic surgery too---so we can all pretend she is younger and hotter than the tough reality---her age is showing and she is not getting any younger. Botox can't put the life and energy back into a lady.  Little to my knowledge these affairs started way before we got married, but for the most part were kept under wraps. They have gotten better or worse depending on Nathan's stress level. He leaves me for them when work gets the best of him and he needs to unwind. I fought it at first, but realized it was a losing battle and slowly learned to accept it. I even started to like the Office Slute a bit. She was a great girlfriend to keep me company when Nathan periodically leaves us for work. Some of his friends know about his extramarital activities, many of them approving and taking mistresses of their own. Nathan even double dates Warren and his mistress from time to time. I would like to say Nathan is a loyal guy, but he even cheats on the Office Slute during his lunch break. He goes over to Warren's house and has a threesome with Warren and his mistress---I know gross right?

 I do keep some standards.  Rules have to be followed--foremost, I refuse to accept sloppy seconds. I hate when Nathan tries to crawl in bed with me with ice cold hands after a visit with one of his ladies. When I am awake, he needs to spend time with me---then go visit the Mistresses!

Well, I think this deployment is going to be different. Nathan and I discussed it and I am tired of having to keep HIS mistress(es) company while he is away. I was uncomfortable with the idea at first and he offered to help me find something of my own, then I changed my mind--assuring myself that I was fine with the way things were. But I have finally decided it is time I get a lover of my own. Don't I deserve someone who can keep warm at night, provide intellectual conversation, and for goodness sake be dependable? I want someone I can curl up in bed with at night. I am sick of the uncomfortable meetings with the old hag in the office. I want a guy that keeps me entertained under the covers. So my search for a dependable, thin, handsome compadre is on. I would prefer he comes with a good memory, few accessories and no baggage. He should be good with kids and being a fast runner is always a plus. It's official--I am out on the prowl--searching for that special someone to keep me company while Nathan is away. Warren offered to help, but admitted he is a bit biased. He wants to turn me onto the same type of man he currently found for his wife, Jenn. So far she is happy with him, but admits it took some getting used to.

I just don't know if "Mr. ipad" is the man for me. Nathan is reluctant to become an "ifad" family. I know we are not the modern family--we don't even text! (That's right, we are not those jerks who never returned your text. We are those jerks who blocked your text in the first place---sorry we missed the text craze while in Japan and see no need for it right now.) But am I really ready to take the big step into uncharted territory??? I don't know. But I do know I am fed up with Ms. Dell Desktop and her limited mobility. I knew my relationship with the Office Slute was rocky, but she laid it all out on the table the night I dropped Nathan off for deployment only to come home to what we kindly call "the blue screen of death". So fellow bloggers if you know of a great place to get a good deal on a dependable, lightweight, fast "man"---that comes with a good memory and a keyboard---please send me your suggestions. I would also prefer he be compatible with Ms. Dell incase they have to share information from time to time.

So to put it plainly----I'm back! Sorry for such a long hiatis. Stay tuned to see what you may have missed in the past 15 months.   It was hard to see the hubs go, but I am happy to have my outlet of sanity at the end of the day with the blog. Now if I can just find the perfect little notebook that lets me edit my pics, type away, and access the internet with ease, I will be one happy camper! I also have high hopes of adding video clips this time--we will see if I can do it. After all, I am technologically impaired (I know my brother-in-law must think I am a lost cause---sorry Chris!) so no promises!

And in case you were wondering I am going to keep Ms. Xbox aka "Family Gal" around for a bit. She is a great multitasker with her ability to play movies, hook up with the other Mistress, and access Netflix--and the kids love her! As long as she doesn't give me the "red ring of death" and send me into a panic I will keep her around.

Nathan with the Office Slute double dating Warren and his lady.  Apparently "teamspeak" was having issues--which explains the cell phone.  I find it kind of disturbing that I even know what teamspeak is---I guess I married a nerd!